I have realized that I am not a very good poet. So I have decided for my other the "other blog post," i will write a poem and I need some feedback.
She Says
She says she is nice. She is not. She says she cares. She really doesn't She says she will keep your secrets. But that is a lie. She says that she is dumb. She is not. She says she is fat. Not at all. She says she is like my sister. But we are not related at all. She says every one likes her. That is false. She says this guy likes her. I asked the guy and he said no way. She says she can control me. But no more. No more she says. Now its I say. I say.
I feel like better formatting could really give this poem new life. Try going more traditional with it and maybe a break between the she says, she isn't. Something like this:
ReplyDeleteShe says she is nice.
She is not.
She says she cares.
She really doesn't.
She says she will keep your secrets.
But that is a lie.
(and so on.)
I also would recommend changing the title to I Say. Shrug. Just my opinions. I like the idea of the poem. You have a few grammatical errors I saw. Other than that, I do like the poem. It gets me thinking: "who is she?"
Food for thought.
Who said, who said
ReplyDeleteI won't be President?
I say, I say
You ain't seen nothin' yet